Now you know. The diagnosis has been confirmed. You're shocked, angry, defeated, or all of the above.  Address these emotions, and allow yourself to feel them. They are normal and are part of a process that ultimately leads to acceptance. Experts have divided these feelings into several categories, sometimes referred to as stages.

• Denial. You don't want to believe the diagnosis--and that's only natural. In fact, the initial sense of shock may even cause you to refuse to believe.
• Anger. It's usually not an emotion people feel comfortable with, but anger is a natural and healthy response for anyone who feels helpless and cheated by circumstances beyond his or her control. It's not unusual to take out your anger on friends or family.
• Depression. Whether you express it through tears or silence, this overwhelming sadness comes with the realization that you can't change things. Often the most frequently experienced and difficult stage, you may experience despair, disorientation, insomnia, loss of appetite and a host of other symptoms.
• Acceptance. You come to grips with the diagnosis and begin to move on with your life. You realize that the best way--the only way--to deal effectively with your illness is to learn to address it as yet one more challenge.

People usually go back and forth and are often in more than one stage at a time. You may also experience a wide range of emotions: guilt, fear, sadness.  The healing process is different for everyone, and there is no timetable.

Remember, a crisis rarely affects just one member of a family. Rather, it causes a ripple effect that touches everyone. If you are a friend or family member of someone who is ill, you may experience many of the same emotions.

What You Can Do to Cope
Once the shock has worn off, you probably will ask, "Where do I go from here?" You may find some relief in taking charge of as many aspects of your life as possible. Here are some of the ways you can regain control.

Seek information. Many fears arise from a lack of information or misinformation. Now is not the time to imagine a future based on horror stories. Accurate knowledge of your illness will not only ease your fears but will also lay the groundwork for a game plan. You'll know how to approach your condition and plan for your future.

Seek competent medical care. The relationship between you and your doctor is an important part of your future health picture. You should feel confident in your doctor's ability to manage your illness and feel free to ask questions. Before deciding on the doctor who will manage your illness, think about the following factors.

• How experienced is the doctor with your type of illness?
• Will the doctor be offended if you want a second opinion?
• Is the doctor interested in you as a human being, not just as a clinical problem? Can he or she address psychosocial issues as well as physical problems, or refer you to someone who can?
• How well do you communicate with the doctor? Remember, communication is a two-way street. You must make your concerns clear.
• Is the doctor open and friendly?
• Is the doctor board-certified or board-eligible? Board-certified means a doctor has fulfilled training requirements in a specialty area and passed written tests. Board-eligible means a doctor has successfully completed the required training and is eligible to take the exams, but has not done so.

You can learn about a doctor's credentials by checking the American Medical Directory or The American Board of Medical Specialties on the internet.