Decline in mental and physical capabilities is inevitable as we age. People are living longer and healthier now, so changes are likely to be slower and more subtle than they were for our grandparents. In some ways, this increased longevity and health makes adjusting to the normal process of aging easier; in others, it makes it more difficult. You may be wondering what you can do if someone you know needs additional care or support.
Ask without being patronizing. You’re likely to notice a general slowdown—a cue to ask general questions. If you see specific things that worry you, talk them over. Explain your concern. Listen! Propose solutions—if needed. Better yet, ask your loved one what he or she thinks the solution might be. It may not be appropriate to insist on your approach unless there is a threat to his or her safety or to the safety of others.
Observe carefully. If you notice her clothes are not as clean as they used to be, you might ask, "Mom, can I help with the laundry? I’m usually here on the weekend. How about I throw in a couple of loads for you?"
Many older individuals dread losing their independence. If you notice your Dad’s refrigerator is often empty, your instinct might be to tell him you’ll be doing the shopping from now on. He may, reasonably, see that as an intrusion. Instead, talk with him. Try to determine why the fridge is empty. There are dozens of possible reasons. Perhaps he has little appetite. Maybe he is uncomfortable driving to the store because he needs new glasses.
Pay Attention. Your loved one might tell you about a problem or concern. Although it’s not always the case, some older individuals are comfortable telling their family when they need help. If your Mom tells you the grocery bags are too heavy for her to carry, you can offer to shop for her or go shopping with her. You may feel you know just how to help if your Dad asks, "These eyes aren’t what they used to be. Would you look over my checkbook and bills before I mail them?" Perhaps helping with the bills and scheduling an eye exam is appropriate. Possibly, however, your Dad is not concerned about his vision; maybe he is worried that his mental alertness is deteriorating. Listening sometimes means reading between the lines.
As you focus on the issues, you can speak with other family members and friends about your concerns. They may be a good source of insight, especially if they see your aging loved one regularly.
