Divorce affects children in much the same way it affects adults, and they are likely to experience the same emotions connected with loss. Not only are your children losing the two-parent family they have known, they may also be losing their home, their school, their friends and even their standard of living.
If possible, you and your spouse should tell your children about the divorce together. Explain in neutral words, without casting blame, that the two of you need to be apart. Use words the children can understand and that are appropriate for their ages. Do not give them false hopes that you will reconcile. And because children often blame themselves for their parents' unhappiness, stress that the divorce is not their fault.
If possible, your children should remain in the same school and continue with their extracurricular activities. You should inform their counselors, teachers and coaches about the divorce so they can be alert to changes in the children's behavior. Encourage other family members to spend extra time with your children, and make sure they see both parents regularly. Children need continuity in every aspect of their lives, but especially with their parents. Children are resilient. Given time, love and emotional support, they are likely to adjust to your divorce. But keep in mind that they have fewer coping skills than adults. Often parents are so involved with their own emotions and new responsibilities that they have little time or energy to help the children adjust. You may want to consider counseling for your children, especially if you're involved in an emotionally charged divorce. You can see a counselor together as a family unit, or your children can go on their own.
Heading For the Future
During the course of a marriage, almost all aspects of your life become intertwined with your spouse's. Untangling all of those areas -- emotional, legal and financial -- isn't always easy. But if you can avoid getting caught up in recriminations and revenge, you're well on your way to healing the hurt. There is life after divorce, and you want it to be a healthy and happy one.
